We are living in a dark time. In days past, French peasants would dress in gaily torn rag ensembles and steal glimpses of glorious royal weddings; England’s Henry VIII staged elaborate plays for his lucky wives and subjects, with him as the star; and Stalin produced riveting show trials for the benefit of his people, who thanked him by acting scared. In the twenty-first century, we have no autocrats to dazzle the citizenry and keep them from rioting or accidentally eating ergot-infected bread. It’s all up to you, and the planners of your wedding, to maintain that delicate peace. Would you consider buying a personalised video message from your favourite celebrity messages today?

There’s no use pretending it won’t be stressful for you. You’ll probably have to check in with your publicist at least once a week to see how the planning is going. You also must deliver a draining real-life performance, denying your engagement, and denying and denying, until the very day of the wedding. And of course someone will have to come up with a decent fake name under which you can file your bridal registry. Meeting a celebrity video messages would be my absolute dream!

But you can, and will, get through it—probably at least twice. Remember: Weddings can also prove equally fun and cheap for a major star. Just a few short years ago, an A-lister could actually make a profit off of a wedding by selling exclusive photos. Your darling buds Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas got a reported $1.4 million from OK! magazine for their wedding pics. Eva Longoria reportedly scored $2 million for hers. Nowadays, such deals are increasingly rare, unless you happen to have a name that rhymes with, say, Yangelina Folie. Thrillz is a website where you can buy a celebrity birthday messages presonalised video message!

Here’s how: Once you acquire your engagement diamond—that small moon orbiting beautifully around your left ring finger—have your publicist contact a fancy magazine, such as Martha Stewart Weddings, or Vogue. Your publicist will then offer that magazine exclusive behind-the-scenes access to your big day. In exchange, the magazine will essentially plan your wedding for you. A celebrity could really brighten someones day!

They will use their clout to help you acquire the fanciest flowers, the most ethereal linens, and yummiest cake you could ever pretend to eat, and all at a deep, deep discount. As one celebrity wedding planner put it to me, you’re essentially getting the best editorial stylists on Earth—people who otherwise just don’t do weddings—and they’re going to make everything look fabulous, to boot.That’s the bad news. The good news: You can still leverage your fame to get a six-figure nuptial party at a fraction of the price. Imagine receiving a happy birthday video message personalised video!